First Impression

First impression is important. It set the attitude of the people. Not only that, if the first impression is not good, perhaps can say bye bye to that person. So I always wonder what's other people think about me, the first impression about me. The few comments I always get is :

1. You do look short as you said.

2. So young already so many white hair, think a lot huh?

3. You look exactly same as your photo.

4. You do not look like 21, do not think like 21, do not act like 21 ( I take that as compliment)

And the top comment is :

You so quiet. Do you like to talk?

Yes. That's is my weakness. I know that. I hardly can stand out myself from a group conversation. That's just me. I just don't like to interrupt people when they are talking, I also dont like people interrupt my talk. There are always one philosophy in mind : What you want people do to you, you just do it to people; what you dont want people do it to you, you just dont do it. Sound like an excuses for myself huh?

People who know me I would say only my classmates or a very very few friends. I can be talk a lot. But when I with someone i dont know, or someone I just know, I just can't talk well. Perhaps that's just me. Many people missed the chance to know me more because I kinda protective and I not usually share my thought with people I barely know, not even my family, not my friends or my dog. oh gosh, I like to keep everything to myself. And I enjoyed to do so. For the people who dont know me, they might think I am selfish, arrogant, hard to be with, but actually I am like that. Just it take more time for me to accept a new people, a new friend. Too many bad experience and too many bad friend out there. So I have to protect myself and do not let anyone come closer and have any chance to hurt me. I hurt enough. There are enough wound and scar in my heart. So you no need come to add some new wound and scar to it. thanks

I dont mind to be alone. In the matter of fact, I always alone. I used to be alone. From a kids, I go school alone, I come back from school alone, I took the bus alone, I eat alone, till now I also eat alone. I read alone, I play alone. And I dont have child mates, I dont have neighbors friend, I not even have a friend can share my secret. But is okay. I told myself everything will be fine and I just need to love myself.

Suddenly this moment, saw a tweet and messaged a people. I hope he is okay. I know he will be fine.

Perhaps I need some changes. Start from learning how to join in a conversation, learn how to interactive with people and smile. When someone are smiling, the world become better. When I see someone smile, my mood become better. I am a pretender but I never fake my smile. I might fake my words, my act but never my smile.

Just want to say I am one of the most lucky person in the world for knowing some great friends. And I will try my best to play to role of a friend. I used to be a not so good friend and I promised myself I will change. Sometime I do need a friend. I just know I need it.

Playlist is playing : If I die Young. I wonder if I die young, will there be anyone come to my funeral? Will anyone will cry for me? Will anyone will hate me forever? Perhaps I just need to let it be..what will be will be ....

Ryan L

The Little Lion