Child like or Childish?

Child like and childish, what is the different about that? I don't know, for me it is almost the same because i just too "child like" or childish too differentiate it. Sometime, i just hope i can forever be a boy, so that i no need to think so much in my life. Certain thing is just like too complicated for me even I am turning 18 in 20 days more. It not like i not able to know it, but i just don't want to know it. For me, i am the blur king but it does not mean i am really in blur, it just certain i don't want to get involved for some reason. It just like when two of my best friends is in arguing. I will just act blur and act like i don't know anything at all but in fact both of them do tell me what is going on between them. What can I do? Both also my best friend and i do care about both of them. I just can't help one of them and hurt one of them. So i do need to act blur and don't know anything but do help them to solve it. I do know you sure saying i am chicken and just no friend enough. But what can i do? Join the the fight and get what in the end? it just scar and pain in left, tear and sorrow in there. I don't want that to happen in my life. My life already pathetic enough, that do will make it more pathetic if i do that.

Some people do say i got the child look. It mean i am damn kid. I look like a can't grow kid all the time. People thought i am still 15 years old while i am 18 years old now. How pathetic is that.... I am short but who to blame? Blame the tall gene that not in my DNA? I do not mind i am short because i born with it but i am small is like what? It just like i forever ever just can reach 50kg even how much i eat. Just see how pathetic am i! other people want to lose weight but i want to gain weight but can't gain it.

Lately just feel tired, not in physical but in my mind. Somehow everything just too much to put it in my mind. I need to empty up my mind now. Everything seem to be so messy now. I need to get over from many thing and need to be clearly thinking now. I just don't want my life to be messed up again and agian, until i just forgot who am i and just die beside unknown bedsides. It just like i need someone to wake me up from the dream i having it with you now. But i not willing to wake up and back into the real world. Cause it is just like damn hurt.

I just want to be a boy now. Not a man. I want to be childish and silly. I don't want to act like i know everything and i must take care of everything, For once, i hope that got someone take care of me, asking me do i eat my lunch or dinner, how do i feel today. how was my day, give some nagging to me. All of that i been doing it all the time, for somehow, i just hope got someone who do back the same thing to me. Asking me this and that. Asking me how i doing, asking me am i happy.......All of this is just too much for me? Am i asking too much? I do think i am asking too much now. I just do not deserve for people to treat me like this i guess. I am too bad for someone to care about. I am a terrible person that only hated by people with no reason. As my friend always said - is your face problem. You just look damn terrible.. Naive and innocent? Can it use it on me? Can, wait for other 10000000000000000 thousand years. So, the conclusion is Ryan is a terrible person and he do not deserve people to care about him. NO OBJECTION PLEASE!! I know ME the best. But i still going to care about my friend like Kelvin, Kenny and other..

No matter i am child like or childish, i am still Ryan that are always hated by people but in the same time he don't mind that hated by people and still will take them as his friend. I am very easy to take over something, so do not worry that i will be sad for so long.

Chlid like or Childish?
Ryan L